Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
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I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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