hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My cat gives me a boner
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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