I think I won the penis lottery.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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