So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize