Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
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I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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