Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
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of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
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you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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