I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
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we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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