ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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