I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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