Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
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idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
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i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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