you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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