Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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