I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
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Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
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i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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