just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
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We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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