I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize