They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize