Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I got inside last night via doggy door
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize