How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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