i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
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So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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