Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
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like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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