And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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