apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
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this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This toilet bowl is my home.
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