Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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