what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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