I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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