I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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