Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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