i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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