What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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