I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize