He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
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He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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