my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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