Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize