I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
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I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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