cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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