he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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