i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
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Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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