I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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