Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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