I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
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We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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