I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize