so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize