I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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