I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
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You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This baby is an asshole
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
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Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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