its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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