Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize