totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize