don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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