My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize