Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
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I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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